So the weekend is over and I find myself at something of a crossroads again. The prep is fully underway for having a great fall lineup of programs and bible study, while still maintaining summer scheduling such as fair week presence, Vacation Bible School and keep up with people in general. However personally two big changes have come up. First of all I have decided to somewhat prematurely end the diet I have been doing and I got the dressing that had been protecting my arm since I had surgery on the 29th of June. I haven’t even talked about my older brother’s diagnosis of cancer since he received the news!!! These things make me feel like I’ve taken some big steps and I need to break them down a little bit.
First of all, my brother’s cancer. In his blog he wrote a blog titled “the most boring cancer story ever,” in which he proved to be very thankful that almost in the space of a month he was diagnosed, rushed into more surgery and given the all clear. Rollercoaster doesn’t begin to describe it. However looking back on things I have diagnosed myself as being a little slow. If you don’t know, my family dynamic consists of 4 ministers and 2 hospice workers. That doesn’t even mention how the rest of the family is human as well. It does lend itself to hysterics though as most of us in the family have some experience with death and can recall a story or 50 of things going from bad to disastrous in the space of a few weeks. All people have weaknesses and a common one among care givers is an inability to deal with your own fear.
I mentioned earlier how I diagnosed myself with being a bit slow. What I meant was I feel like I am running a little bit behind the emotional ride that everyone else seems to be on. When Dan received the diagnosis I had separate conversations with almost everyone in the family and was surprised how each of them were dealing with it different but at the same height of fear and anxiety. I was feeling we need more information and take a little time to react. Then while watching a particularly emotional episode of Scrubs (for those who have seen it I am talking about the episode where Benji dies) it occurred to me that I might have received the first piece of news that would eventually lead to my big brother not being around anymore. I immediately called everyone up looking to comfort them… I know, a very clever way to deal with my own issues. But now that he has the all clear the family has chilled out but I still feel red alert. What’s up with that?! A little slow? Maybe. Not sure how to pass a episode like this without make resolutions? Absolutely. How can people run so hot without a big life change afterward?
So here I am planning big things for the church and my ministry here, leaving a diet and picking up running a 5k and celebrating the freedom of an appendage that had been ransomed for a pittance of what it was worth. Crazy choices? No but life is too short to be scared and not live life better. How have you dealt with revelations that you know scared you? Try the pizza, it’s delicious.