So the weekend is over and I find myself at something of a
crossroads again. The prep is fully
underway for having a great fall lineup of programs and bible study, while
still maintaining summer scheduling such as fair week presence, Vacation Bible
School and keep up with people in general.
However personally two big changes have come up. First of all I have decided to somewhat prematurely
end the diet I have been doing and I got the dressing that had been protecting
my arm since I had surgery on the 29th of June. I haven’t even talked about my older brother’s
diagnosis of cancer since he received the news!!! These things make me feel like I’ve taken some
big steps and I need to break them down a little bit.
First of all, my brother’s
cancer. In his blog he wrote a blog
titled “the most boring cancer story ever,” in which he proved to be very
thankful that almost in the space of a month he was diagnosed, rushed into more
surgery and given the all clear.
Rollercoaster doesn’t begin to describe it. However looking back on things I have diagnosed
myself as being a little slow. If you
don’t know, my family dynamic consists of 4 ministers and 2 hospice
workers. That doesn’t even mention how
the rest of the family is human as well.
It does lend itself to hysterics though as most of us in the family have
some experience with death and can recall a story or 50 of things going from
bad to disastrous in the space of a few weeks.
All people have weaknesses and a common one among care givers is an
inability to deal with your own fear.
I mentioned
earlier how I diagnosed myself with being a bit slow. What I meant was I feel like I am running a
little bit behind the emotional ride that everyone else seems to be on. When Dan received the diagnosis I had
separate conversations with almost everyone in the family and was surprised how
each of them were dealing with it different but at the same height of fear and
anxiety. I was feeling we need more
information and take a little time to react.
Then while watching a particularly emotional episode of Scrubs (for
those who have seen it I am talking about the episode where Benji dies) it occurred
to me that I might have received the first piece of news that would eventually
lead to my big brother not being around anymore. I immediately called everyone up looking to
comfort them… I know, a very clever way to deal with my own issues. But now that he has the all clear the family
has chilled out but I still feel red alert.
What’s up with that?! A little
slow? Maybe. Not sure how to pass a episode like this
without make resolutions? Absolutely. How can people run so hot without a big life
change afterward?
So here
I am planning big things for the church and my ministry here, leaving a diet
and picking up running a 5k and celebrating the freedom of an appendage that
had been ransomed for a pittance of what it was worth. Crazy choices? No but life is too short to be scared and not
live life better. How have you dealt
with revelations that you know scared you?
Try the pizza, it’s delicious.
